***Shattered Illusion***
Do you ever think back to your younger self and reflect on how the path you once “dreamed” up for yourself is nothing quite like reality?
I am laughing at myself as I write this because I remember crying multiple times over just this concept. My mother is quite amazing for those of you who don't already know this. I say this because more often than not she is in the middle of my meltdowns and is the one that keeps me grounded. She always has supported my “crazy” sometimes random plot twists in my life.
The eye of the storm is when I am in the midst of realizing I am leaping down another unexpected exhilarating yet terrifying path. The moment I have to accept that change is inevitable, it shakes me to the core, time and time again. That moment when I have to open my mind up and accept that what I thought I knew about myself wasn't actually spot on, is quite terrifying. My maja advises me then grabs her metaphorical popcorn to see where my truth leads me.
Did you know that when I was 13 I was utterly convinced I was going to be a chiropractor? You see, I have always loved bones, their unique stories fascinates me. Fast forward to the moment I realized I needed chemistry in order to become a chiropractor… this news flash completely derailed this dream of mine. I realized that this was not for me because I did not want to suffer through this branch of science in order to make it happen… If I was unwilling to suck up a few semesters of torture, then I did not want it badly enough.
In college, I was able to act on this fascination with bones in a different way. Rather than treating live people, I became fascinated with prehistoric (deceased) people. I wanted to be like Dr. Temperance Brennan from the books (and show) Bones. I took a forensic anthropology class and was like “this is freakin incredible!”
What your bones say about your life, who you are and what you did while on this earth, is so revealing. Demonstrating your life through a calcium like resume, telling us a story of sorts. Initially I thought I was interested in prehistoric remains from archaeological sites. However, I worked on an archaeological dig for nearly two months and learned that I was not cut out for it...
What made bones beautiful to me was their story and how by analyzing them you could give a missing person back their identity. I could be apart of closing a mystery, providing closure to a grieving petrified family but most importantly give someone back their name - their being. I then became an intern death investigator and worked with a forensic anthropologist to see if I wanted to get my Master's in this field.
Sparks notes: it was not for me either. Perhaps that will be another blog post down the road?
The similarities of younger Sky to now is that I am interested in the human body and all it can do. I am just approaching it through movement and diet rather than the skeletal system. The catch, I had to take chemistry for this program I am in now. Rather than running away from it, I hit the bull head on. Now I feel like I am a chemist! Except in reality, no, absolutely not. I am very far from one.
All these journeys have brought me to this moment right now. I am this evolving person yet the things I have done in my past have etched the way to where I am now.
For example: I got my first tattoo when I was fifteen. It's a yin-yang with a sun around it. I had wanted this since I was ten years old, I was drawn to it. I used to doodle these in my work books. The yin-yang is a symbol of divide, fluctuating balance; dualism so to speak. Hatha, the style of yoga I practice, means sun and moon. This is another symbol for fluctuating balance - dualism. Seven years ago I got a crescent moon tattoo behind my ear. Unknowingly, I got these symbols on my body that come together to create balance… further solidifying that this path for right now is where I am supposed to be.
Younger Sky may think of present Sky as a shattered illusion since I have changed my life course MULTIPLE times. I am may not be a chiropractor but in this moment, right here, right now, it's not a shattered illusion to me. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Do I know what is in store for future Sky? I have no f*cking idea and that is okay with me.
